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What’s all the fuss “twi-hard” fans?

Posted on July 11, 2010 in Uncategorized by

Twilight-movie-poster

Twilight.
The film version of Marmite, you either love it or loathe it.
I happen to be a massive fan of Marmite with it’s lovely salty goodness, twilight on the other hand is like taking a massive dump and realising there is no toilet roll……yes it’s THAT bad.

Now don’t get me wrong, Im not one of your average Twilight haters. I’ve read the books and even though I wouldn’t call Stephenie Meyer the worst writer in the world (Lord knows she ain’t no Stephen King) she’s not exactly bad either. The books were a pretty good read and got me through some of my more boring nights.
BUT as a girl who grew up loving anything out of the ordinary a-la vampires, werewolves, zombies and the occult I was pretty pissed off to find that Stephenie had taken it upon herself to re-write the history of these “mythical creatures”. According to Miss Meyer they can infact come out in daylight but avoid direct sunlight as it would reveal their true identities by making their skin sparkle and shimmer…..SPARKLE AND FOOKING SHIMMER???  Was this woman on crack when she wrote this????
As the years have gone on, writters and hollywood directors have changed the history of vampires, werewolves and zombies to suit their own storyline needs, vampires that come out in the sun (a new breed of daywalkers…as not to have a whole film set in pitch black. And they can be killed by silver??? ermmmm thats werewolves) And speaking of werewolves, nowadays they don’t have to schedule their attacks with the full moon as that would be very inconvenient…nooooo, now they can change at will. Zombies are no longer slow, stupid, rotting, walking mounds of human flesh, they are simply humans with some sort of  “virus” which enables them to run at full pelt after their victims which isn’t by any coincidence extremely useful at speeding up the pace of a mediocre film!

Anyway, little details aside!
When I heard they were making the films I was pretty excited. I had heard that they had cast Robert Pattinson as Edward (could have done better then old Cedric Diggory but oh well) and Kristen Swewart, that annoying girl from Panic Room who never smiled (No change there, then).

I never had the chance to see it in the cinema due to a busy schedule but managed to obtain a copy of the film shortly before it’s release date…..and boy am I glad I didn’t waste money on a ticket. The characters were annoying and two dimensional and the plot just didn’t seem to go anywhere…AT ALL!
The whole story was focused on a girl (who happens to be the worst “heroine” in english literature) just lusting after this undead boy who couldn’t make up his damn mind about what he wanted…”I can’t be with you, but I’ll just kinda stalk you and keep popping up uninvited into your life, then watch you while you sleep but when you say you wanna be with me I bugger off again just to change my mind 2 days later”…..Wow that’s love eh kids?
I was literally just screaming at the screen “JUST KISS ALREADY”, not because I wanted them to be united in their love…but because I was fed up of all these “are they, aren’t they” gonna kiss scenes.
I only watched the film once and tbh I can’t remember much else which goes to show it couldn’t hold onto it’s audience.
The only decent thing about that film was the absolutely gorgeous Rachelle Lefevre who did an amazing job at playing the evil victoria…………but now the Franchise has dumped her because they felt they “didn’t need” her when she was pulled away due to other filming commitments.

So yea, I won’t be going to see the third film, just like I didn’t bother with the second!
I’m not completely closed minded and I would like to sit and re-watch the first film and maybe see the others…just to see if they can change my mind. It’s happened before (except for AI, that film will never be good, even if they re-shot it with Jude Law being gang banged by the blue fairy and the pointless aliens at the end).

But all in all….if i want to enjoy the world of the Twilight series….I think I’ll stick to the books.

ps- excuse any spelling / any other errors….its over a million degree’s and I think Im starting to melt and my computer has crashed 4 times so far so Iv’e had to write this at warp speed before it does it again!
cheers loves

xxx

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